Learning is the key to a life free of violence.

Types of abuse

Verbal

Name-calling, yelling, belittling, using put downs, constant blaming and criticizing, threatening to kill you, a friend, family member or pet.

Emotional

Giving you the "silent treatment," accusing you of having affairs, not permitting you to use the phone, embarrassing you in front of others, bragging about infidelity, forcing you to stay in the house or locking you out of the house, harming pets, threatening or attempting suicide, monitoring your behavior.

Financial/Resource

Taking your money, putting all bills in your name, selling or destroying your possessions or property, making you account for every dime you spend, quitting or losing jobs, forcing you to write bad checks or commit crimes, not allowing you to work, taking or disabling your car.

Sexual

Rape, forcing sex with partner's friends, forbidding birth control, forcing distasteful sex acts on you, beating if sex is refused.

Physical

Slapping, hitting, punching, choking, threatening with weapon, banging head into wall, dragging through the house, burning with cigarettes, throwing down stairs, pushing out of a car, blocking your entrance or exit, pushing, tripping, restraining.

The cycle of violence

Abuse in an intimate relationship most often occurs in relatively predictable patterns. Victims become aware of the warning signs and find themselves "walking on eggshells" at those times.

Here are three typical phases victims experience in the cycle of violence*:

• Phase 1: Tension- Building Tension begins to rise, the abuser becomes edgy and more prone to react negatively to frustrations and builds to the point of violence or some other incident.
• Phase 2: Battering- The actual act of violence or emotional outbreak's in which the abuser gains control only after he/she has taught the victim "a lesson." The victim responds to the pain by becoming emotionally detached. Fighting back usually increases the violence.
• Phase 3: Quiet/Loving Phase- Tension is decreased and the abuser behaves in a contrite, loving manner while denying the extent of pain and fear the victim is experiencing. The abuser makes promises not to be violent again and asks for forgiveness. Then, there is a quiet time before Phase 1 begins again.

*Adapted from The Battered Woman by Lenore Walker

It's important to understand that only you can gauge or predict when violence may occur and how severe it will be. Please, listen to your instincts.

The Crime of Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence is a crime. In the state of Ohio, Ohio Revised Code 2929.25 states that:

• (A) No person shall knowingly cause or attempt to cause physical harm to a family or household member.
• (B) No person shall recklessly cause serious physical harm to a family or household member
• (C) No person, by threat of force, shall knowingly cause a family or household member to believe that the offender will cause imminent physical harm to the family or household member.
• (D) Whoever violates this section is guilty of domestic violence.

Upon filing criminal domestic violence charges, the victim or arresting officer may file a motion requesting the court to issue a temporary protection order, designed to ensure the safety and protection of the victim and his/her children. It will order the abuser to stay away, prohibiting his/her presence at the victim's residence, school, business, or place of employment, or those of his/her children. For further information regarding Ohio's Domestic Violence Law and protection orders, click here.

• 1 in every 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime (Tjaden & Toennes, 2000).
• An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year (Centers for Disease Control, 2003).
• Nearly one-third of American women (31%) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives (Commonwealth Fund 1998 Survey of Women's Health, 1999).
• 50% of men who frequently assault their wives frequently assault their children (Straus, Gelles & Smith, 1990).
• More than one-third of women treated for violent injuries in emergency rooms were hurt by intimate partners (Rand, 1997).

Community Impact

Sadly, domestic violence impacts every community in the world. Here in the U.S., thirty percent of people say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year. Domestic violence not only affects women, but men and same-sex relationship partners as well.

The entire community pays a cost for domestic violence and the resources needed to address it. Each year, the tally for the resources needed to address domestic violence exceeds $5.8 billion (CDC, 2003).